I took the sleeper train from Podgorica in Montenegro to Belgrade Im Serbia. In large part my reason for doing this was that I couldn’t stomach another long bus journey and I also would then be able to take trains all the way to Georgia.

When booking the train there weren’t any places left in the sleeper cabins, only seated. There was a day train but I impulsively bought a seat on the overnight train instead thinking I would save the cost of a night’s accommodation. This turned out to be a poor decision. What unfolded was my most crazy journey so far.

Boarding

Taking a train is not inherently a difficult task, nor should it be daunting. When you’re on your own in foreign lands, don’t speak any of the local language and are the only non-native waiting to get on the train it can feel so however. Mainly because you don’t know what you’re walking into.

The train arrived.

I managed to get a guard to point me in the right direction from the platform and then spotted my carriage and got on. There were lots of people on the platform and it was a bit of a scrum. The train was already packed and upon reaching my seat which I’d paid €3 to reserve there was a large grumpy man parked there. I tried to show my ticket and gesture but was quickly ushered down the aisle by the irritated people behind me. It was clearly a free-for-all and so I walked further down and managed to bag a seat next to another enormous grumpy man who didn’t seem pleased to have me next to him. He insisted on having his short stocky legs fully spread encroaching on a good deal of my leg room. I decided it best to just let this go as he was a stern and serious looking gentleman.

This photo doesn’t really show the full extent of the situation (I was a little worried he’d see me take the photo) but I had to sit at an awkward angle for most of the journey.

Once seated, some people were trying to enforce their seat reservations. Arguments were erupting everywhere. It was chaos. I thought that maybe I should have tried harder to sit my reserved seat and I was now waiting for someone to come and yell at me for being their seat. Aware of my inability to communicate this was an uncomfortable twenty minutes or so. Thankfully I came out of it unscathed. The train conductor arrived amid the fracas and made a half-hearted attempt to resolve the matter before giving up and telling everyone to sort it out themselves, at least that was my interpretation. It did eventually die down and the seats were filled. The train departed at 8.10pm

The train, empty

The toilet party

The area in between the carriages where the toilets were quickly became a smoking area despite the no smoking signs. The automated sliding door kept opening due to the sensor and so the whole place stank of smoke. By 9pm, this area was starting to fill up and people were drinking and chain-smoking in there. This was about 15ft from my seat. By 10pm after some rushing back and forth, a wireless speaker emerged, and the space then effectively became a temporary bar/nightclub where an increasing number of people were joining. The music was terrible. Some sort of high tempo, local ballads. By midnight, the music was blaring, there was dancing and the singing had started the volume was getting much louder. The door sheltered us from a lot of the sound, but every time it opened, which was often we got a fresh blast of stale smoke, music, singing and shouting. Between me and the door were two families with several very young children. The parents seemed to put up with it pretty much although one of the dads tried in vain to get them to keep the door shut. The children occasionally woke and burst into tears. One child who must have not been more than one was quite sick and had a rough time.

In the four hours whilst this was going on we made two stops for the Montenegro and Serbia border agents to board the train which took about an hour each. This didn’t deter the revellers who partied on. When the stern looking squad of Serbian Border police finally reached me on the second stop and checked my passport I heard one of them say ‘UK!….Brexit’ and then laughed.

The Drunkard

Somewhere in the middle of all this, a couple of hours into the journey, a young chap appeared in the carriage, heavily intoxicated swigging from what looked like a medicine bottle. You have to imagine how an Orang Utan walks when it’s on two feet. This is how I would describe his attempt at getting down the aisle. In fact, it would be more accurate to say that he fell down the carriage, although in truth he never actually hit the ground. This caused much amusement to everyone including the children.

He was closely examining the luggage in the overhead storage compartments as he stumbled along. I think he’d either lost his bag, or more likely was lost himself and didn’t know where to return to. He then started shouting and starting loud arguments with anyone he could. He disappeared and then returned wearing glasses but this sadly did not help him in his task. He continued to roam up and down the train for a good few hours, with intermittent outbursts, occasionally being berated by the conductors. I don’t know if he ever found what he was looking for.

Rave

By 1am, there was a full on rave taking place at the end of the carriage and it showed no sign of letting up. The train guard had a couple of hours before told them to stop but when they didn’t he just opted to make friends with them. I can say I wasn’t feeling great about my prospects of any sleep at this point but I somehow managed to eventually drift off around 2.30am. My sleep was regularly interrupted by pains in my neck and back due the angle I had to sit at and a fear of falling asleep onto the large Balkan man beside me which I did do once.

Wild West

At 4.20am the man to my side woke me to leave his seat and it looked like he was leaving the train which he eventually did. This was an uplifting moment as I could now move to the window seat and attempt some proper sleep and the party had ceased. I did this until about 10 minutes later all hell broke loose.

The man in front of me suddenly leapt from his seat toward a young lady who had been drinking heavily with the revellers earlier. He grabbed her and was yelling. I can’t be sure, but from what I saw I think she was trying to take a blanket that had been placed over the young children who were asleep under it. Understandably he was not best pleased about this. She gave back as good as she got however. People were jumping out of the their seats and shouting at the top of their voices and holding each other back. It was mayhem. I had no idea what was being said but it wasn’t pleasantries which were being exchanged. The guards turned up and threatened for the police to be involved. I had to laugh at this point.

Things eventually settled down and I even got a little sleep before the train rolled into the station at 7am, only one hour late. It’s hard to know if the seating area on the sleeper train is always like this or whether I had rather rotten spot of bad luck. It certainly wasn’t a boring journey.

The train arrived at Topcider station which is an old station several miles out of the main city. You basically hop straight off the train and walk across the tracks to get out. Once out, I Immediately paid massively over the odds to get a taxi to take me straight to my hostel. I was quite happy to be ripped off in this instance.