Buses through Western Europe were actually not too bad. Across the Balkans, not so much. Travelling from Mostar to Kotor in Montenegro was a bad journey. I’d done my research and it said it would take 6 hours, which to me didn’t seem too bad. From previous experience I knew to allow an hour or two extra. I hadn’t been prepared for the epic journey ahead.
The bus wasn’t exactly the lap of luxury but the air conditioning worked and I ended up at the back of the bus which meant I had a couple of seats to myself to spread out, although the window seat next to me was broken making it an inch higher than the adjacent seat so not perfect.
As we set off and I was feeling quite optimistic. All seemed to be going smoothly and we were making good time from what I could tell. After a couple of stops a family piled onto the back row with me and I was forced onto the wonky raised seat which wasn’t ideal. My mood was still relatively buoyant however. In front of me were two Spanish hipsters. The one directly in front, kept pulling at the curtain which covered both our windows, moving it as the sun blared through from different angles without any thought for the window user behind. The curtain went back and forth a lot but then he yanked it to fully cover his window leaving me with nothing! Like when someone steals the whole duvet in the night. I think he was probably just being thoughtless rather than selfish but I retaliated by yanking the whole curtain back towards me with some force leaving him with nothing. I followed up with a stare as he turned around to see what had happened and think he got the message. Small victory.
We approached the border, and it looked quiet. It can take ages to cross and this was looking good. We went through the usual routine of someone coming and taking all out passports, disappearing for some time and eventually returning and everyone trying to figure out which one was there’s. We went through the Bosnian side fine and then drove a short distance to the Montenegro side where the same process was initiated and passports were eventually returned with stamps in.
We sat for some time in front of the border station.

More time went by until a mild commotion rippled along the aisles of the bus. I managed to ascertain that the bus had ‘broken down’. I should mention that the driver did not make any announcement about this at any point, in any language or give any sort of direction. I think word had spread from some people near the front who were in the know. The strange thing was that the engine was still running, and thankfully so was the AC intermittently.

The first bit of good news was that I was able to get off the bus finally and have a wee in the bushes behind the border post. This was our first stop in 4 hours. The buses, although equipped with toilets keep them locked for some reason!
We were essentially stuck in no man’s land between Bosnia and Montenegro.
I’d made friends with an Aussie chap on the way and we just had to have a laugh about it. Some people, including myself sought shade by the building and a few people had noticed a little shop just the other side of the barrier about 20m away:

Some attempts were made to get to it. Technically we’d had passports stamped authorising entry. We were however forbidden. So close yet so far.
Expecting a 6 hour journey, having woken up at 5.30am to get to the bus and expecting at least one stop I’d not brought any food nor had I had any breakfast. All I had was a 500ml bottle of water. I’d learned form previous journeys that with the toilets locked and the unpredictability of rest breaks the best strategy was to remain dehydrated rather than risk needing a wee and being stuck for hours, especially with the Gauntlett bladder.
We were white quickly ordered back onto the bus where we waited for a while. Then, the driver drove us through the crossing into a lay-by the other side. We even more confused about what was wrong with the bus now.
We waited around about an hour and half in which time I snoozed and drooled on myself until at last another bus arrived! In fact a nicer bus. We decamped and finally set off again.
Even with the hour and half delay, it quickly became apparent that the 6 hour journey time was a horrible lie. The journey dragged on and on. Eventually we reached Podgorica (Montenegro’s capital) where we had to get on yet another bus. More confusion ensued as we weren’t actually told this, just ordered off the bus. When trying to get onto the new bus the driver didn’t seem to want us on there and in fact shut the pneumatic door on one guy!
It was quite amusing. Following a brief period of chaos we were on the new bus and leaving the station, until we stopped again just outside the station and there was yet more commotion at the front of the bus. After a long pause it transpired that a couple had left a bag on the previous bus which contained there passports and the bus had immediately driven off. This then led to a further delay where the already livid driver disappeared. We speculated that he might have just had enough and absconded. He did eventually return, the bag was not recovered and on we went.

By this point I was down to my last drop of water (which I’d been rationing), had a throbbing headache and I was absolutely starving as I hadn’t eaten since the evening before. The nice Australian guy offered me a drink from his water bottle. As soon as I went to swig it, the driver accelerated wildly and half the bottle went down my front and over my crotch so I now looked like I wet myself.
I should point out that my dehydration strategy turned out to be a good one as, apart from the unplanned stop at the border, we did not make a single toilet stop in the whole 12 hours it eventually took us.
I am done with buses.
Thankfully, Kotor was so nice I quickly left the trauma behind me.









































































